Why we read the blogs that we do?

Just like going through your phone-book can reveal alot about you so can your blogroll.The same way your potential girlfriend will want to know why you have 70% a female population in your phone book so will questions be raised about what you do on-line.This brings me to the question at hand,”why do we read the blogs that we do?”Can we relate to the bloggers?Are we just being courteous because they read our blogs?Do you wish you had a life like theirs?

Rantings and a bit of reflection

I’ve been reading ‘Blaine Harden’s :Africa dispatches from a fragile continent’,apart from it being a collection of experiences dating back to the early 90s it is quite an insightful read and it does raise the question about our belovedAfrica(read the review here).Africa has always been potrayed as this dark,hopeless continent but Blaine goes a step further to show the world other endearing qualities about africa like family ties,moral fabric and collectivism.He blasts the Western media for covering Africa only when its about wars,famine,coups,death and despair..

presidente for life

True,we have come a long way since those dark days of first presidents who thought they would rule forever(think Kenyatta,Mobutu) but the elements they left behind are still with us.Nepotism,tribalism,grand corruption,self-centred  politics etc..Kenya is currently going through one of its trying moments yet and I shudder to think whether we will hold it together after our politicians are sent off to the Hague.

Economically,things are not looking up either.I once attended a Project Mgt class where the lecturer asked whether what we lacked was implementers or planners.Its rather obvious that this country does not lack the resources to spearhead vision 2030 but the big men at the top are to blame.Or are they?Everyday I get the feeling that we are slowly getting sucked into the system.corruption and self centredness is slowly creeping into a culture.How many of us have given grease money so as to be served faster at public offices?How many of us will disobey traffic lights just coz there isn’t a policeman in sight?

In a nutshell,I think we need a revolution ..not from the bottom up NOT from the top bottom.Maybe ethics should be incorporated early in our lives as part of early education…I dont really know..You tell me

madmyke the fashionista…haha

I’m not one to really give much thought to how I dress but people will tend to judge you from first impression which includes that pair of rugged jeans you are donning.So,over the weekend I cleaned the wardrobe,stacked everything on the bed,sorted it, sort of like a ‘wardrobe census’.So here the sneak preview

Slacks,Shorts and Jeans

• 3 pairs of blue jeans-all dark washes with one pair  being my favorite(maybe its coz of the price I paid for it).I aint much of  jeans kinda guy which explains my deficiency of this wardrobe staple.
• Khakis-If clothes were food,khakis would be my water.I have every shade of Khakis imaginable:from black to green…..I prefer Khakis to jeans due their versatility,from the class to the club to the wedding.Add a few Khaki shorts and you are set..I especially like a particular pair I got in SA,earlier this year,with the side pockets and it happens to be a perfect fit..
• Slacks-Black only…kinda dull but it works for me….maybe I should get a couple of pinstripes

Tops

• Shirts-If its striped,comfortable and I look good in it,I’ll probably buy it.11 striped shirts in all manner of shades,1 white,1 checked and a sky blue Manhattan..I don’t like cuff-links,I only own like 2 pairs worn once in the past two years.I prefer long-sleeves to short sleeves,even when its too hot you just fold the sleeves twice and you are set..
• Polos-Like Khakis they are another staple….mostly in bright colours..
• Tees-Most of them are plain and dull,to be worn with shirts since I hate vests,they look more like men bras…
• Jackets-3 of them which cost  an arm and a leg…The black corduroy,the jungle green Khaki and the obviously a brown leather one which was a gift from my mum…I have lost these jackets a couple of times but I always get them back then there is the issue of giving it to her when you are out on the town and she assumes its hers for keeps..
• Sweaters-Black and grey(both cashmere),2 stripped,A diamond 80s inspired and a grey half-sweater

Shoes

• This is more like my element-When it comes to shoes they have to pass the stylish ,price and comfortability test..
• Black Leather Hush puppies-Most comfortable pair of leather shoes I’ve ever bought,the inner padding makes walking in the fun a whole lot of fun..
• Loafers-3 pairs…all brown, , ,2 from Bata and the third being a pair which ranks as  my favourite shoe.They have the straps on top which makes them adjustable on hot afternoonons
• Scandals-My sis bought for me those flip-flops at Maasai market a few months back.ideal for a lazy Saturday at home,best worn with shorts
• Boots-Good old reliable Timberland boots…rarely worn but they serve their purpose..
• Canvas slip ons-Plain black..Again best worn with khaki shorts

Accessories

• Apart from 2-3 scarves and an african inspired chain,accessories are nonexistent in my world.No watch,no manbags, no ties,no fancy chain….

Its a small wardrobe but it serves its purpose?Whats in you wardrobe

Of Cravings and Changes

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemmingway

Its been a while,I really hate the way i usually go on and off about this blogging thing,I don’t get it.One minute I’m sitted on the computer writing a new post then when I’m about to post it I read it through and i realise it isn’t as good as I want it to be.Maybe I care too much for  the few readers i have,why waste their precious time reading through a shitty post?Or maybe I want it to be too perfect,comtinually forgetting that my readers are not perfect and they will relate more to someone who makes mistakes as they do?Maybe the many months of reading other peoples blogs have dealt a blow to my ‘writing ego’,that little monster called low selfesteem…..

School

As a result of  unavoidable circumstances this brother right here will be switching campuses.To say the least Im really thrillled,I wasnt in my element in my former campus.One step into the new campus and I really felt i belonged…One thing that really killled me about Strath was the hypocrisy and the goody two shoes vibe going on.I think its the same in most Catholic schools but having never studied in a Catholic institution it was hard for me to swallow all that.The bureaucracy not withstanding I  can say Im happy to move on…Thika Road here I come..

Newest craving

Yoghurt……Yes ….yogurt,for some  reason I cant explain I cant seem to get enough of Brookside’s fruit yoghurt and Bio’s vanilla yoghurt.Everytime Im in Uchumi I’ll rush to the Dairy section once Im done with the rest of the shopping,It does look odd considering the other males in the section  are buying milk while Im busy checking Expiry dates on yoghurt,Yogurt joins the long list of cravings that have come and gone,the list includes;Brandy,Old Jamaica,Tusker Baridi,Listening to Coldplay,Fries etc

AOB

Now that we have Influenza H1N1′ finally with us’,as Njoroge Mwaura put,you’d have thought it was a new Hollywood flick that guys were yearning for.Back to swine flu,was in an elevator in Anniversary Towers and I happened to sneeze and the look on the 6 or so men and women on the lift was priceless.If only they knew it was an allergic reaction to some lady’s perfume..Have a calm and Flu free weekend…

Kenyan Boy,Kenyan Girl

This happens to be my first work of plagiarism,I aint proud of it but I just have to share it with you guys..I got it from my pal Jay,she just came back from the states  and this chic has one messed up oblangata..Pliz enjoy,all comments will be dully directed to her Facebook profile
Chic: (calls Guy ): “Hello… Sasa Swits!!.. its Sato bana… si we do some nyama .. ?”

Guy: Thinking he will get some that night quickly agrees… “Sawa sweetie..how about Buffet Park ….Shall I pick u at 2 ..?”

Chic: “Sawa.. laterz.”

(Guy amukas from Friday’s hengies, showers, puts on jeans and polo shirt, pockets a pack of condoms, then drives to the Chics crib…)

So at 2-ish they drive into Buffet park and pitia the butchery to order the nyaks.

Guy (to Chic): So what do u want to have .. ?

Chic: just anything…(aki these women are just thick at times… sasa hiyo ni jibu gani ..?)

Guy (to butcher): Weka hizo mbavu, kilo moja na nusu, choma, …ikuje na kachum… (chic interrupts Guy.. ! )

Chic: Apana.. eeiishh..! ..Si you know I don’t eat goat meat…!

Guy: (thinks to himself…(“Really..!…. then why didn’t you say so in the first place, nugu hii”) (To Chic) .. How about beef then..?

Chic: Its ok so long as it is not fat and not the legs. I dont like mathunya…( Guy looks away and rolls eyes up .. thinks to himself…”ati fat,you are already carrying a 40 kilo MATAKO, surely … 2 grams of fat are negligible..”)

Guy: (to an already impatient butcher) basi si unitafutie ngombe haina mafuta. (butcher chucks a ki-nice piece from the hangers hapo nyuma and holds it up for Guy to see)

Guy: “Weka hiyo nione…(as the butcher is weighing it on the scale… the Chic points at a small….. very very small piece of fat on the meat)

Chic: “Hiyo iko na mafuta mingi sana , tuonyeshe ingine…”

(Butcher curses …. under his breath. Other hungry buyers who are waiting hapo kando start to curse . Guy feels like he should just have ordered fish fry from those fat jang’o women they pitad on their way in. Chic points at a fresh carcass of meat … somewhere near where the meat is hanging from such that is impossible to extract a piece without the entire carcass falling down on the floor.

Chic: “Kata pale.. …”

Butcher: “Hapo haiwezekani mama .. kula hii ndio fiti ..(butcher attempts to return the piece back on the scale)

Chic: “Apana..!.. Hauna nyama zingine kwa store…”

Guy: (to Chic) ” Eeh ..lets do this… let him fry that one, I will eat the mathunya pieces ama… ?”

Chic: “OK”

Guy: (to butcher) “Fanya iwe fry na uweke nyanya, dhania na spinach.Ongeza ugali mbili…”

Chic: .. “Ugali..? me I dont want ugg..Dont they have Chipos..?”

Chic: (to butcher) “Leta na ugali moja na chips mbili…”

Guy: ( thinks to himself… no wonder her butt is 40Kgs.. sasa u avoid animal fat then u kula half a gunia of chipoz .. talk about nyani haoni kundule ..)

Butcher: “KAMAU…!!! Oya nyama ino..! ..ni furae, na wikire nyanya, dhania na spinashi… ndugekire waaru..(butcher pins the meat with a tag and tosses it to kamau in the kitchen behind him)

Butcher: “Sawa…. shika resiti .. namba yako ni 53 … Itachukwa ithaa
moja ….”

Guy pays the butcher and chukuwas the receipt and tag..So we enter the open space of the club and sit down. Waiter comes,Guy orders his cold Tusker,

Chic orders her malt. We kunywa kidogo.. storoz panda… then there is this mama who pitaz a tray of oil oozing samosas, sausages and mshikakis..

Chic: “Wewe ..psst ppstt.. nipe samosa mbili na hiyo nini …”

Guy: (shocked).. “Haiya, si u wait for the meat..”

Chic: “I will still kula the meat…”

Guy: ok (and she proceeds to kula 3 samoz and 3 mshikakis)

One hour 20 minutes later .. the Waiter comes round with maji moto for washing hands.. we wash our hands and the the meat checks in with the chipos and the Ugali all hot steaming and looking nice… “Bonne Appetit”..! ..

Karibu Nyama ” … Guy invites the Chic and thinks to himself.. now she will really shiba… LAKINI WAPI..! Yaani after all that shiet, she just hen pecks about the platter of meat here and there BUT proceeds to maliza the 2 plates of chipoz having eaten only 3 pieces of nyama. As if that is NOT ENOUGH … 3 minutes later:…

Chic: “tsk! tsk! chief…tsk! tsk! Waiter! niletee serviettes pliz..na toothpicks…”

Guy: (cursing silently ) ” Why arent you eating nyama…..”

Chic: “I have shibad deadly plus I started feeling my ulcers … Si u jua the way they can be nasty ..??.

Without another word Guy proceeds to kula what he can and asks waiter to pack the rest of the meat in a juala , patias waiter the now wrapped remaining meat to peleka to his car …… Then he fungulias the carburetor

… “Leta TUSKER mbili na MALT Mbili” as they wait for the Arsenal Match coming on the screens in about 20 mins..

Beers, Storoz, the game…. more beer flows… After kindu like 2 hours… to the amazement of the Guy …

Chic: “tsk! tsk! chief…tsk! tsk! ..niitie yule mama wa sambusa….(Guy closes his eyes and thinks silently… we should just have headed to Topaz….Fish, Chips & Samosa’s…! ).

So later on at around 12:30 pm Guy takes the chick to the car and starts being naughty kidogo. the chick responds well and before long they are catching rubs like …..)

Guy : ” Baby .. baby .. si we go to somewhere more private ..??”

Chic: “Aaaah.. aaah… you naughty boy..!!! ..rrrrrrr… sure , whats on your mind…?”

Guy: ” Ill show you …! ( Guy drives like a mad man in anticipation of what is at stake ..40 kgs of pure booty … occassionaly missing the gears and going way up her tiny skirt) .

Before long they get to Guys crib , struggle and grope all the way to the third floor.

Guy Panting , both already half naked, he tries to remove her panties).

Chic: “Wweeee..!!.. iz how ??….what you trying to do..?”

Guy: (amazed) ” Kwani what do you think ..?”

Chic: “Bilaz ..!!..I dont want..!!”

Guy: ” Come on babe..!..”

Chic: (pulling a very serious look) ” NO..! …Dont do that..!..”

Guy: ” Hala..! ..whats the matter..!.. ( thinking … si thambutha umekula ? .. na viazi vya mafuta ?..)

Chic: ” I can’t..! ..”

Guy : ( thinking ….Tusker Malt tano na nyama ya ngombe fry ? … APANA …. Shuma lazima ilale ndani..!..)

Chic: ” I’m rolling …!!!..

Guy: ” F@#*G SH*#*T ..!!!!!..”

yeahhest

No title

You know those scenarios where you rack your brain for something intelligent to say and the result is a kilo of nothing accompanied by ear deafening silence.Yaani those instances i where you wish the world would just save you the agony and swallow you.If you haven’t figured it out ,here are a couple

• You’ve been ‘dropping bombs over baghdad’ and you realise the next cubicle also has abomber who seems to be doing better at hitting the targets.When you are all done,15 minutes later,you leave the cubicle at the same time as your war hero who happens to be your boss.What do you say,’Nice work inside there….????’
• You are at the Safari sevens(For the ladies),you are looking all glam in your micromini skirt and pencil heels and decide to parade your beauty in-front of the main stand with Arigi and his bots cheering you on.Then the unspeakable happens,your heel snaps and the laughter from the crowd…..deafening!
• Its Monday morning,the whole of Sunday you’ve been having this feeling deep down that you did something silly on Sato night while under the influence of Jack Daniels and his cronies.Then you waltz into class into class and it finally hits you,you made out with the loud chiq from the front of the class.Whats her name again??

You get my flow,right?Feel free to laugh at yourself.

In other news

Madmyke has never been the smooth cat,you know the guy who had chiqs writing him note back in primo,come high school they couldn’t get enough of him??That wasnt me,its not like I didn’t know what to say around them,its just that it always come out wrong(I will not start quoting examples for the sake of my street cred.)Okay,I will admit I used to say some really dumb things,I would do everything right;buy her ice-cream and all that high school crap but I always ended up saying something silly..Thank God for inventing high school coz that’s where all of us learnt to sharpen our tools

Hook up with some old school friends and laugh bout your adolescent induced stupidity..

No title

Something I’ve always quite irritating is when Students take to the streets to protest.There is nothing wrong with you as an individual or as a Kenyan to that effect expressing your dissatisfaction.In the last two months we have seen three public institutions go on the rampage and in the process destroying property worth millions.Something reminiscent of the high school strikes we witnessed last year.Their reasons were baseless and most were doing it coz of the euphoria that had gripped the country.Could Universities have been driven to also act in the same immature way?They had some concrete reasons for taking to the streets as in UoNs case where they were allegedly demanding for justice,did they accomplish their objective?Oscar’s story is no longer headlines and the students seem to have forgotten what took them to the streets a few weeks back.

Just when our elders were starting to have faith in our poorly-resourced institutions,they go out and take us back to ground zero.I have never believed in protesting as the way to voice your concerns,yes it may be used if you have exhausted all other avenues and in most of the above scenarios there were more productive revenues.

Back in High School we had what was called the chain of command,most of you might have had it it in your schools also.It was put in place to ensure that issues were voiced in the right manner and delt with effectively,if a matter was to eventually reach the principals desk it was considered quite major.So if the university students want to burn down our cars and loot our shops they should follow the right channels before doing so then we can know it is a major issue.

The impact of these strikes will be felt right till you leave school,a 1st Class Hnrs from Strathmore will always look promising than one from UoN for the boss along University way who could’nt report to his office a few weeks back.We really need to build the reputations of our public institutions.

Weekend

Those of us who are going for Kenya Vs Tunisia make sure you have come to watch Kenyan football,not lamenting every time an opportunity is missed,”Christiano would have scored that one”Schupid.Before you leave the house ensure umebeba the following:

• Your Kenyan jersey,tshirt or flag.You can also get some headgear or have your face painted.Hatutaki kuona ManU Tees huko.
• H2o-To hydrate you vocal chords coz we’ll be singing hrs after the match has ended.Feel free to spike the water with tots of your favourite poison.
• No white trousers or shorts.Ladies-No skirts unless you don’t mind…..
• Your oticko(ticket)

With that being said.Go Kenya Go!

Finally

“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”   Eddie Izzard

I have been coming on-line to write new posts since January but after every post I feel inadequate so I end up not posting it,as a result I have close to twenty drafts that will never see the light of day.That was definitely not a ‘writers block’,I’d call it a lack of cyber self-esteem.

Over lunch hour we were seated with a couple of my lunch pals and they started discussing last Sato’s episode of the Tyra Bank’s Show(and all men who think its emasculating to do so had better shut up!)I hadn’t watched the episode but it had to do with chiqs with eating disorders.I did some quick reading on Wikipedia while they were busy discussing and i was really shocked.Anorexia,bulimia,orthorexia and Binge eating are the most common of these disorders.Read the disturbing facts here

And to think people are dying in parts of Kenya yet someone out there is starving themselves to bad health all in a bid to look more slim and more appealing(Believe you me,they look nothing close to it!)

Weekend

I came across this Series.Worst Week,its about a guy who’s undergoing a series of unfortunate events while visiting his soon to be in-laws.After watching it you suddenly realise Murphy’s Law does exist.The problem is that every thing he does and goes wrong is done with the best interests at heart.How many times have you tried to do favours for others and you come off as the bad guy due to a misunderstanding??

I did find time to go hiking at the Ngong Hills,last a few kilos in the process.Hii wiki tuziongeze tena.Have a full week!

A walk around town

The time: 5.30pm.Location:Outside Alliance’ The Cast:The usual suspects

It was the last Friday of the month and these brothers right here were prepared to drink themselves silly.I still had class on Sato,same applies for Robe and we were determined to attend even if we walked in with hangovers.Its January,economy mbaya so we decide to head to downtown Nairobi,Somerset to be exact.Fika there,the place is packed to the Rafters,I say hi to Mikey, the Kange to the dopest mathree on my route, who is busy taking down Ruarakas finest.

It suddenly hits us we haven’t had lunch,head to Moi Ave for fries(Nilishindwa) and kuku,John joins us and the posse is now complete.Those who know John know hes the perfect guy to go for drinks with:Has his own money,never Mwauras and will occasionally throw a round.After the meal,Sherlocks it is.Say hi to the usual suspects and this place is unusually packed considering its January.Mwendas:Mark you,its now 7.30 and I’m yet to have a sip of them frothy waters.

Say hi to the bouncer at Mwendas(need I say that this particular day he even asks for ID)coz the joint is packed haduhuko nje.Yaani we are being asked to sit on crates.At this point everybody is claiming hes too tired,how about Harbesha? somebody suggests and from the look he gets its quite evident nobody feels like walking again.

Psyche for going out fizzles out and all we can do is go back home!Talk about a wasted Friday.Bdw its been three days and Nakumatt is still smoking?Uchawi gani huo?

Rugby Season

“Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city.”
Oscar Wilde
The rugby season will be with us in a few Weeks and this brotha certainly gets his mood lifted by just the thought.So why does yours sincerely love the the season plus the beautiful game sooo much?
1.The rugby season was one of the reasons I used to give when I wanted to stay out late.Those Floodies games back in high school when my mum would give me a lecture about the perils of drinking before she dropped me off.This would be done while kids younger than me were drinking naps next to the ride.That talk did fall on deaf years…
2.The ladies.Most men who attend the Safari sevens go there because of 3 things in no particular order:rugby,beer and to see how high the designers have taken the hems that year(Last year despite the chill,they went the highest ever!)You get to hit on dames without worrying whether you’ll get slapped.Your only worry is that the guy who just broke someones hand on the pitch might just be the hubby.Once in a while you will hook up with a chiq who’s actually there for the rugby,yaani she knows the positions and even challenges the referees decisions but be sure 90% of the times you’ll be stuck with one who doesn’t even know who’s playing
3.Cheap liqour.Not that Im an alcoholic,infact those who know me well can attest to my very light drinking.But who can pass at booze going for 100 bob???The whole combi of mshikakis,fries and beer is heaven here on eart.But dont forget to hit the gym on Monday!
4.The atmosphere.Hooking up with former school pals,we usually hang around the stand nearest to Jamhuri Estate and swap school stories,sing school songs and hit on every member of the female species that passes by.We all love the club house at Quins,with the buddas with their”Back in the day”storos.This guys make rugby sound like WW2.Who can forget Arigis antics???
5.The Rugby?!The major reason I drag myself out of bed those lazy Sato afternoons and head to Ngong Road.I love the athleticism in the Kenyan game,the loyal fans,the hard hits, sidesteps,the tackles.Beats sitting down to watch Super 14.
This are some of the major reasons I can think of right now,I had a list but lost it while trying to declutter my room.Whatever you paln to do this year be sure to make your way to Ngong Rd and support Kenyas fastest growing sport(Unofficial)